Every city has its own distinct smell. For Vienna, it’s sadly the smell of shit – horseshit in the first district, and dog pooh mostly everywhere else. Currently, there are some 47.000 dogs in this city, and their owners mostly aren’t what one would call considerate. When I was a small child, digging up pieces of canide excrement in a playground sandbox was quite common, and I’ve been informed by the parents among my friends that this hasn’t changed much since then. Raise your hand if you never had to throw away a good pair of shoes because you stepped into dog shit – no hands? No surprise.

There have been some local initiatives that try to deal with the problem – like the “behaviour manual for dogs“, a project in the Neubau district. But as the site itself says, “Vienna has a long history of laws, and an equally long history of ignoring, bypassing or simply not aknowledging said laws.” As you might expect, this is a nice way of accepting that the animal owners don’t give a dogs’ ass about the situation.

I’ve lost count how many people have been killed or seriously injured by dogs in the last years. And there is a growing sentiment among people that animals that are capable of killing humans should not be kept as housepets, especially not in a city. Personally, I hate those drooling, brainless four-legged suckers, not just because they stink and shit everywhere, but, you guessed it, I’ve been attacked by one as a kid. I wasn’t injured because I ducked when the critter jumped at me, right over the handrail I was standing in front of, which led to the dog dropping a few meters onto a rather populated street. BAM. No more doggy. But I digress – it may take some time before dogs are banned from the city, but until then, one could at least try forcing their owners to keep them from using the whole place as a toilet. There’s a new initiative called “Fairness in public spaces” – it’s a petition that wants to enforce both an awareness campaign among dog owners and fiercer penalties for breaking the current laws regarding dog ownership in the city. Because shit is not the only problem – people who bring their dogs to the subway without muzzle and leash are almost worse. Imagine a crammed subway, somebody loses balance, steps on the dogs tail… BARKBARKBARKBARKBARK, and eventually, somebody will get bitten.

So, in conclusion, if you own a dog, please act responsibe, take care where they drop their feces, and apply muzzle and leash when you bring them to a public transport, or so help me god, I will shit into your living room and bite you in the ass.