I just got up and i have no fucking clue if i went to work today. how weird is that?
it took me a couple of minutes to realise that i went to bed around 7pm, after i returned from work, and felt too drugged by a sick combination of different medicine and passed out in bed.
Anyways, thats a new surreal feeling. wonder if i am getting the flue, or if i am generally somewhat … beside me.

A couple of days i ago my mother asked about my passport. We are going to Dublin next month, and she was completely sure that my old passport expired. Being a smartass i said everything is aaaaaaaaaaallright, dont worry, yo.
In my little reality everything was alright, until i tried to find my passport. It has indeed expired.
I did NOT panic, okay i did panic, and googled around to see where to get a new one. I still had the one i got when i was around 14 and still living in lower austria, and that means that my parents got me said document. What does one intelligent woman do? Yes, first panic, and then try to think straight. I still have enough time to get one, right? Right. Checked the “Virtual Amt”.
According to that site, my district has no own get-a-new-passport-agency. Instead of feeling happy to know where to find one in my district, i had to figure out where the Magistrat in the first district is. Wipplinger Str. Everybody knows that street, i didnt. YES I DO NOT KNOW EVERY GODDAMN STREET IN THIS CITY. Everybody who knows me, knows how lost i am within this city if i do not have a guide or 100 people i can ask for the right way. I am the tourist everybody fears to meet. I am one of those people with puppy eyes, close to tears, to ask how to get from point A to point B (while i am probably already standing on Point B without realising it).
I called all of my people to ask if someone would please pity me enough to bring me to the Wipplinger Str. I was lucky, and found a friend who actually knew how to get there and to be my company.
The Wipplinger Str is found rather easily, and I immediately felt somewhat dumb. Thats nothing new, and nothing new to my company.
I went inside of this… weird building. They have a nifty machine that produces little papers with little numbers on it if you push a little button. i took one. Fine, i took 4, cause the goddamn machine wouldnt stop giving me numbers. We sat down in the waiting room, where i immediately started to make up weird thoughts about the numbers. I was ashamed of having 4 of them, and tried to find a good explanation why i have 4 numbers instead of one. The coolest reason would be: “sorry, i am schizoprhenic. Every person needs their own number.” My friend was nice enough not to laugh but calm me down. I was in a meshugge state that day.
Suddenly a weird noise filled the room. Do you know firealarms? Those nervebreaking loud siren thing? Take one chord of the siren, and thats what i heard. Before i could go nuts and scream FIRE FIRE FIRE and run outside with both arms waving around in panic, my friend showed me the huge display in the corner of the waiting room. It showed number “8″. I looked at the number, then looked at my little pieces of paper. I am number 9 (and 10,11 and 12) . hmm… oh wait, aaaah, got it now. we are next, right? Right. I am a child sometimes. With the IQ of a really really small child.
Siren goes again. Ha, i am next!
Had to give them my old passport, told them that my address changed and gave them my new “Meldezettel”.
The young lady took everything and then gave me another piece of paper, telling me i need to go to the second floor and pay.
Right. second floor. Thats easy, i can do that.
No i cant.
It took us, believe it or not, 30 minutes to find said second floor. I dont know where the fuck we went to, and i had to go back to the lady and ask for the exact way twice. I am pretty sure she thought i am nuts.
We found the correct room, on the correct second floor, in the correct building. I went inside and said “Good day” to 2 Ladies. They looked at me, and then continued chatting with each other. I waited. 1 minute, 2 minutes, 3 minutes… “Uhm, Excuse me, I…” chit chat chit chat chit chat. They were rather good with ignoring me. I am not small, you cannot ignore me that easily. “Hello? I….” The older one stared at me and said “Cant you see we are talking?” Le Gasp! “Well, excuse me, i see that you are chatting. But honestly, i dont give a fuck, i dont have much time, and i need to pay for my new passport. Right now. You can continue bitching about your colleagues a bit later, yes?” Silence. “That makes 69Eur.” I paid. “See, that was easy, wasnt it? No hard feelings and insults. Have a great day.”
Hurried back to the first Lady and showed her the recipt. I smiled like I killed a dragon and became a hero. She didnt smile. My company laughed in the waiting room.
She looked at my new passport pictures. I felt ashamed. You see, i made those pictures after a sleepless night, with rings under my eyes, and the very special “Corpse decaying in water for days” look. I didnt care, i just need my passport. Those pictures are not that cheap, mind you. Its just an ID anyways.. who cares that the picture is the worst manifestation of evil i ever saw.
20 minutes later i was the happy owner of a new passport.
I celebrated it with a cacao and felt like a king, err… queen.

I rock.
Yes, i am fully aware that its easy to do those things. Yes, you might think i am totally silly. And you know what, i’d agree with you.

Some useful information:
They accept Maestro Cards (ATM, Bankomat)
They need your old passport, special passport pictures, and a “Meldezettel” if your address changed.
All in all it only takes 30 minutes. If you find the room, the building, and helpful workers there.