Addendum to subway driver announcement:
In the current issue of the upscale sex & grime magazine “Wiener” there is a short portrait of Raimund Korner, a Vienna subway driver who has been doing announcements like the one I described lately for years and has accumulated a fanbase amongst commuters. He has been driving subways for 35 years and has been doing announcements for about ten years. His “word to Sunday” may take him up to three stations, advertisements, cooking tipps and classical quotes included. Life driving subways can be harder than you might imagine - teenagers faking suicide jumps for laughs, drug dealing inside the compartments, sexual encounters - and these announcements are a way for him to deal with the frustrations. And they may sound like these:
“Dear passengers, a request to the joyful group in the third waggon: A long time ago I too suffered from severe hormonal imbalances and I know how painful they can be. Nevertheless I ask you, for the short duration of your subway drive, to tone down the noise and respect the other passengers. It won’t take long until you can once again follow your evening’s pleasures undisturbed of the rest of the civilised humanity. Have a nice evening and a nice journey home to all the other passengers.”
“A little suggestion to the members of the drugscene: either get in respectively out in time - like the rest of the passengers - or take your business activities to less frequented locations such as the Kahlenberg or the Lobau, where you might only mildly disturb a foc or a rabbitt. Thank you for your attention.”
“Dear passengers, if you at times are of the impression that the subway is constantly overcrowded, then why don’t you just try one of the other seventeen doors available. The further away from the train’s front you’ll find a decreasing crowdedness, or - in other words - an experience of space otherwise only available on a trekking holiday in the Yukon-Territorry. I wish you a pleasant journey home and a nice day.”
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great!