It is a perfectly sound and healthy (!) idea to take the bi-annual health check at your doctors. This year, for the first time, they handed me a questionnaire called the “Alkoholfragebogen” (trans: alcohol questionnaire). It contains 10 questions to your consummation of alcohol, obviously intended to spot possible or actual alcohol abusers or addicts. Now dig some of these:

- How many times within the last 12 months were you unable to stop drinking once you started?
- How many times within the last 12 months did you need alcohol first thing in the morning to get the day started?
- How many times within the last 12 months did you have a guilty conscience because of drinking too much?
- How many times within the last 12 months were you unable to remember things due to drinking too much?
- Have you ever hurt yourself or others because of drinking too much?

“’scoosh me, docter, doesh zaad ingluede my breakfesht beeeer as well…?”

I mean, how obvious can those questions be. And in our wonderful country beer and wine is legal by age sixteen and distilled liquors by eighteen.