Christmas Horror - The Second
Whats worse than the same christmas jingle jangle in every shop, and the shopping?
Christmas party at work. ho-hum!
Just imagine you had a shitty day at work, youre tired cause of last nights activities, you get pissed off cause your colleagues are acting like morons, well, like moronic monkeys to be precisely.
You see those people nearly every god-damn day, and then youre supposed to spend the evening with them? Doesnt really sound like fun for me, really. REALLY. Fine, you get booze for free and stuff, but still.. Would you get drunk and do the typical “dance-on-the-table” drama when your boss is sitting next to you? Fine, maybe you do, but i dont. Fine, i did once, and that was enough!
So, everybody is already downstairs starting to get drunk and social, while i am still being social with my computer and a shitload of paperwork on my table. The screen turns already red, cause its a shy one and i kept staring at it for too long, you know. The Cleaning Lady already cleans my seat and my table while i am sitting there and typing. Then the chorus of a bunch of colleagues rises, singing a weird version of what might be “Silent Night.”, maybe it was a britney spears song, who the fuck knows. So, i pack all of my stuff together, try to get into my comfy coat and find my hat, grab my bag and walk to the stairs. Then the horror starts. Then the only question that matters on such a day knocks on my brain: How the hell am i supposed to get out there, while half of the whole company is singing Jingle Bells, without getting seen and asked to stay?
I thought about escaping through the local parking garage.
I sneaked into the lift, let it take me into the parking garage. What a miracle, the lift didnt strike this time, but i felt kinda… lost down there. Never been there, cause i dont owe a car. I tried to be a brave girl and find the exit.
30 minutes later i decided that finding the exit was a silly way to waste my time, and i should go upstairs again and find another way to get out.
So i sat on the stairs and pondered.
And i thought and thought and pondered.
I still pondered.
Yes, i did.
20 minutes later i got the great idea to dress up as a dude from the DHL or UPS service.
Well.
I didnt have the uniform, and there was certainly no UPS/DHL dude around. Hey, i only thought for about 20 minutes!
Climbing out of the window wouldnt work, cause i cant open the windows.
I sighed.
Should i give up and be social, or should i become friends with the Cleaning Lady and ask her how the hell she gets out of here without walking through a crowd of semi drunk people? Naw. That would be too social.
So i did the only correct thing:
I breathed in, stared like a psycho, and run downstairs. Running is a thing i usually can do, but not when i am in fear. I thought about waving my arms and scream to make a dramatic exit, but that wouldnt have looked good when all the bosses and the bosses of the bosses were there.
5 minutes later i was outside.
And happy.
And breathless.
But happy!
Christmas Parties at work are THE horror.
Furthermore:
Hello, Mr. Storm!
The first thing i did today was chasing my hat on the G
i hope your colleagues don’t know metblogs…
they know it, and actually like reading it!
Well, they can’t be that bad then.
Hi Daniela’s colleagues and bosses, be nice to her and give her a raise, or a smart hat with a strap.
they arent that bad. They know when i am making fun and produce blog entries with lots of irony and sarcasm.
and they are actually nice to me, but the customers arent!
i’d love to get a new hat. i am in love with hats.
Well merry Christmas then:
_______
/_______\
___|________|___
A stylish straw hat, with an invisible strap (not a boa digesting an elephant).
The hat may come out garbled in news-readers and non-Safari browsers. I swear it looks good on my computer. It’s the thought that counts, right?
> “… you get pissed off cause your colleagues are acting like morons, well, like moronic monkeys …”
> “they arent that bad. They know when i am making fun and produce blog entries with lots of irony and sarcasm. and they are actually nice to me….”
Does that mean you write fiction?
thanks, Alejandro!
Oh yes. to tell you the truth, crackerjack, i am an old guy who likes writing fiction. you see, i am so lonely, cause i am so old and i cant find any woman to perform any sexual things, hence i write fiction, cause thats cool.
to make it a little bit easier for you to understand it:
Shortly before christmas party, colleagues (maybe in general, who knows) start being more active (not in job-ways) and then i called them moronic monkeys. It was a joke, and oh my gosh - you wont believe it!, they know it was a joke. not everybody is unable to see a joke if it jumps right into their faces. Now, where is the fiction in that? would you rather prefer a style like this:
“There was a christmas party.
I did not attend.
The end.”
If yes, then i am sorry i cant produce any kind of those blog entries.
ouch! i actually like your entries daniela!keep it real ;) it’s all in our heads, so who gives a sh?
Hi Daniela ! It’s nice to read that you are having a manic Christmas with the gang at work. We held our Christmas party the other night at a restaurant in the city centre - not in Vienna, somewhere here, in the darkest north of England. The food was okay but although we had booked a private room upstairs, they closed our bar and we had to schlep downstairs to the pub bar after 10 pm, fighting our way through the drunken hoardes. Yes, I nursed a little hangover yesterday from almost a whole bottle of rotwein. To insult to injury I had five customers in sucession yesterday who blamed me for their unsucessful shopping trips…. my tip to them, get a life, not a new sweater and adopt a Verkauferin! After all, we’re not just for Christmas……
and finally, to all the Vienna Metbloggers, have a great Christmas and New Year.
hmm, you don’t want to be overly social, but i guess you’re aiming for the golden middle there? because if you went straight for being totally un-social, you could just walk out like you walk out the rest of the year and don’t give a midge’s minim about the silly rites of the natives.
@daniela: it was just a question. don’t get all heated up, old man.
How about:
“Office Christmas feast.
moronic monkeys abound.
did not attend. end.”
Hi!
Hope your Christmas was good, hope your New Year is even better!