Have you ever managed to go to the milleniumscity without getting into a verbal fight with Greenpeace people and those kind of annoying human beings? If yes, please please tell me how you do it!
Let me describe you how it usually goes for me:
They like to stand at the entry/exit of the subway/trainstation. RIGHT THERE.
I tried ignoring them. I tried yelling, i tried being a totally brainfucked crazy maniac, i tried to cry, nothing worked, NOTHING. All of them (Greenpeace, Amnesty International, groups i dont even recall the name of) have at least 3 people there. They see you, they see you – the poor victim, the scared bunny, the little kitty kat – and they will be right and left to you, and one of them right in front of you. A grinning girl will jump to you like a lion on acid and will hold your arm if you decide to do the only thing possible: RUN.
“Hi! You look like someone who cares about the poor animals!” Errr, yes, whatever. I am not sure if this is actually an insult, now that i think about it. I waved with both arms and screamed “I EAT HAMSTERS FOR BREAKFAST AND THEN I COOK DOGS FOR LUNCH AND HAVE SEX WITH RATS!” Boy, did the girl stare at me. That was my chance, go go go go go! I didnt care too much about her screaming “you are the worst girl ever! i hate you, i hope you die! OMG!”
Did you know they have those black t-shirts? i can see them. They saw that i escaped Greenpeace and quickly started to organize a barricade. “Hello you! Did you know that every minute people die?” That information is pointless. Just as pointless as if i would tell you guys what kind of socks i am wearing right now, seriously..
The “I dont have time, sorry” sentence is getting ignored. No matter if youre running. You gotta stop or you crash into some Amnesty Internatiol dude. I do not want to run into that dude. They got me.
“We need you to support us!” Well, what could i say? “I DO NOT SUPPORT THE HUMAN RACE! AND NOW LET ME LEAVE, YOU FILTHY HUMAN BEING YOU!” Le Gasp. Le Stare. Le chance numero duo. I manage not to run against a group of people that tried to use the situation and run past the Amnesty people. Evil screaming behind me.
As soon as you think youre safe and through, as soon as you breath out happily someone will suddenly appear in front of you, you nearly fall over, and will show you a map of the most horrible things you have ever seen. You know those pictures of ferrets dead in their cages, dont you? Well. Thats exactly what i was seeing. “You need to help the animals!” I think those guys were from the “4 Pfoten” organization. I can only assume it, because after i tried to push that person away – without any luck, i started to run. I see the holy entry of the shopping centre. I can see it, i am almost there…
I am through.
The first thing i do after being in the shopping centre is to catch my breath.
After that i continue being a more or less normal human being.
BUT, you need to go the same way back to the trainstation.
I found out that the way back is easier though.
I raise both arms, scream and run without stopping. Thats only possible if you dont have any bags you gotta carry. If thats the case though, its always good to talk to yourself. Loudly. Use words like: Satan, Bitch, Bunny love, and words that dont exist. Repeat it until youre out of the danger zone.
You dont want to know what i do when i am on the Mariahilfer Strasse.
DISCLAIMER aka “Before I get angry emails again“:
I do support Amnesty. Since more than 1 year. But i dislike it when people force me to talk to them, without realising that i might not be interested, that I might be in a goddamn hurry. I might support what the organisation is supporting, but i do not support annoying and scary people following me – touching me – forcing me to listen to mindless babble which usually ends with their question: “So whats your bank account number?”