Remember all those funny warnings from right-wing politicians that the Turks will overrun Vienna? Well, it just happened, and it tastes delicious. Say hello to Cola Turka, a Turkish coke I just bought at a gas station.

During the last years, there were quite a few attempts to brand oriental-styled cokes, but most of them (Like Mecca Cola which was a hot topic in France some months ago.) failed to really take off. Cola Turka, on the other hand, seems to sell like hot cakes. A quick google showed results from the US, Germany, Japan, … everywhere.

Turkish coke is, of course, only the tip of the iceberg. A quick walk through Vienna is all you need to see dozens of posters promoting Turkish concerts, readings and films. Think about the term “urban food” for a minute - yes, sure, there’s junk food chains everywhere, and every city has their own local fast food, but no matter where you go, there’ll always be kebap. I once read that there are more kebap stands in Berlin than there are in all Turkey, and the last time I was there, I was more than willing to believe it. And let’s not forget Turkish bakeries, or the mini-marts found in every place on the continent. Or the mosques. The list could go on for quite some time here.

So, the invasion is here already. Did we lose our occidental identify? Are we all wearing scarfs and thick black moustaches? Has our European flag become recolored in red and white, with the stars replaced by crescents? Nope.

So, where’s the problem? Why are people so fucking scared? I have a few theories. First and foremost, and this is important, most people are too stupid to find their ass with a flashlight. Just mix up some common prejudices with a few lies, add in some historical bullshit about the Turkish invasions a few hundred years ago, and presto, you got yourselves some voters. And as long as people fall for 419’s, this isn’t going to change. What cracks me up is the arguments those folks fall for. I already wiped the floor with the “loss of culture” bullshit. And don’t even get me started on the whole “they take away our jobs” crap. The people who take away our jobs sacrifice them to their false god, shareholder value. And as long as the puppets of those people are voted for, we’ll continue to be FUBAR’ed. Doesn’t take a masters degree in economy to figure this one out.

Another reason is that people, as a whole, have a lousy memory. It’s pretty likely that Vienna was the world’s first cultural melting pot. After all, a real Viennese has a Bohemian grandmother, as Mister Mundl said. You just have to look into the telephone book to realize that we are a mixture of Slavic, Italian, German, Jewish, Russian and other cultures and people. This IS our identity - we are a cocktail. Folks tend to forget that. But that’s to be expected.

Part of the reason why people forget is clever propaganda. Ever since the idea of inviting Turkey to the EU came up, all people talk about is scarfs. Do they talk about Istanbul, one of the world’s most beautiful and advanced metropoles? No, they blame a secular country for a religious problem.

Like Austria isn’t Vienna and some grass and trees around us, Turkey isn’t just Istanbul and Ankara. We share the same problem - our rural population. (Hi Christian, no, I’m not saying Graz is a small farming town anymore, it’s quite a nice place, actually, and a better place to live than 90% of this country.) I don’t want to generalize here, but in order to understand other cultures, you have to encounter them. That’s easy in a large and international city, but when you are living in the sticks, and the only cultural diversity comes from the chinese restaurant in the next town, you’ll probably have a hard time understanding the whole multicultural concept.

Now what? If I had a solution to the whole mess, I’d have to buy a separate house to store all the Nobel prizes I’d receive. Besides, I’m ouf of cigarettes. So the article stops here. No punchline, no climatic outcome, no words of wisdom. Maybe next time.

Related posts:

1. hello istanbul!
2. Gastro 010 // Green and Red Bean Drink
3. kanak attack
4. vienna became istanbul became vienna became carinthia.
5. Vienna’s soft white underbelly